KENAN & KEL: THE FERGUSON EDITION
by Cpl. Bull S. Kwikki
Summary: Kenan and Kel are bored and want to get high as kites as a result, to facilitate this they decide to steal a box of cigars from a convenience store in Ferguson, Missouri so they can make blunts out of the cigar wraps.


**Historical note:** On August 9, 2014, while responding to another call Ferguson, Missouri police officer Darren Wilson ordered Michael Brown and his friend, Dorian Johnson, to stop walking down the middle of the street. Thinking he was busted for a strong-arm robbery he had just committed Michael became combative and he and Darren fought. After a scuffle, Michael tried to escape, but Darren ordered him to freeze and informed him he was under arrest. Michael charged back toward Darren again and was shot dead. Darren was not indicted on the grounds of self-defense.

**The story:** As the opening theme's funky beat fades out the scene opens on Kenan and Kel sitting on the front steps of Kenan's house looking incredibly languid. Kenan sports mini dreadlocks, a white t-shirt, and khaki shorts while Kel has a short buzz-cut hair style and wears a shirt that says "Bufu" on it. Kenan is resting his head in his hands while his arms are propped up on his knees, Kel sits on his hands and looks off into space.

"Man, Missouri is SO boring!" Kenan complains. Kel looks over at Kenan.

After a moment's pause, Kenan squeals, "oh," slaps his knee and points at Kel.

"I got an idea man!" he confidently states to his lifelong and everlasting compatriot.

Kel frowns. "Oh no Kenannnnnn! I don't like it when you get ideassss!" Kel groans.

"Quit whining you cry baby! This is a good idea. We'll get high!" Kenan nudges Kel and smiles as he says this.

Kel lights up. "Oh yeah! Getting high! That's a good idea! I like that one!" Kel jabbers excitedly as he shakes in his seat.

"We gonna make us some Philly blunts my friend! You still got that "wrapping paper" I gave you?" Kenan puts his hand on Kel's back, seriously asking him this crucial question.

Kel hangs his head in shame. "No…..I used it to wrap a birthday present for my sister." Kel mutters.

"Man! That's special wrapping paper Kel! You can't just wrap anything with it!" Kenan yells at him, then takes up a pose like the "Thinker" statue.

"Hmm. I got another idea…." Kenan murmurs out loud while in this pose.

Kel looks worried. "Uh….I hope this is one of your good ideas, like getting high! That was a good idea." Kel nods as he expresses his skepticism.

Kenan bolts upright. He grabs Kel's arm. "Come on Kel! We're gonna get high as kites, I got an idea, you'll see, you'll see." He elatedly says as he drags Kel off.

Kel willingly lets himself be dragged off, only shouting, "Huh, huh cool!" as he goes by.

Kenan and Kel find themselves outside a local convenience store, the Bricky Mart, whose logo is a giant brick.

Kenan stops dragging Kel and turns to him.

"Alright here is the plan, we're gonna go in, pretend we're shopping, then when the clerk isn't looking, we're gonna swipe ourselves some cigars. All you gotta do Kel is look like a customer, just browse around you know." Kenan explains to Kel, acting out the plan with hand motions as he does so.

"Uhhh, but we don't have any money Kenan!" Kel whines, looking nervous.

"That's why we're gonna steal them dummy! Now let's go, remember stick to the plan, Buffalo Bottoms!" Kenan sternly orders, before walking off into the store on his own.

Kel is left standing outside the store alone. He hollers after Kenan, "But….but Kenan! I don't wanna steal nothing! Don't they have video cameras? C-can't we just play Scrabble instead? But….Kenan! Awwwwww, here it goes!" Kel runs in after Kenan, his arms flailing about.

Inside the store, Kenan and Kel peruse around like normal customers at first. Kenan turns to Kel and winks. He grabs a box of expensive cigars off a shelf and motions with his head toward the door. Kel is apprehensive, but looks serious as he acknowledges Kenan's head motion. Kel is just a few feet from the exit when he spots his favorite thing in the whole entire world, orange soda.

He runs up to the soda, caressing the bottle necks with his fingers. He asks himself out loud, to no one in particular, in a voice level rivaling a shout, "Who loves orange soda?"

He answers himself, keeping his tone and excitement level up, "Kel loves orange soda!"

He questions that statement's validity, "Is it true?"

Again, he answers himself, by this time Kenan and the clerk are staring at the spectacle, "Mm-hmm! I do! I do, I do, I do-oooh!"

Kenan walks over and grabs Kel by the arm roughly and scolds him, "Man will you shut up! You're attracting attention, let's get out of here!"

Just as they are almost to the door, the clerk calls to them in an Indian accent, "Sir, you need to pay for that, otherwise you are stealing!"

Kenan winces; he knew Kel would get them caught. He shoves the box of cigars into Kel's hands, Kel looks surprised as hell at this. "Daahhhh man! See what you done!" Kenan rebukes Kel before turning around to face the clerk.

Thinking on his feet Kenan yells, "Hey look outside, it's President Obama!" Running to the window and pointing to emphasize his ruse.

The clerk….and Kel run over to the window and stare longingly out it.

Kenan face-palms. "Man Kel, what are you doing?" he asks, incredulous.

Kel turns around, so does the clerk, before he replies, "Looking for President Obama Kenan, you just said he was out there."

Kenan punches the air in frustration at being caught….again. "Man, Kel…" he begins, then Kenan lunges forward, pushes the clerk down and grabs Kel by the arm before bolting for the store entrance, "….run!"

Just as they make it to the door, the clerk stands up and orders them to stop again, "You are stealing! You cannot do that! You must pay!"

Kenan pushes Kel out the door, then turns around towards the clerk, he sighs, before crouching down in a Sumo wrestler pose and stomping his feet like Sumo wrestlers do before a match, right before they charge forward and kick each other's overweight asses.

The clerk, intimidated, shrinks away. Kenan stands up, smirks to himself, and then takes off after Kel.

Kenan and Kel are now blatantly walking down the middle of the street, on their way home, their prize in hand. Kel bops along merrily; Kenan is holding the cigar box with both hands against his chest. Suddenly from a short distance away, Kenan sees a police officer approaching. He is wearing a blue uniform with a silver badge on it, a Glock rests on his hip, he looks tall, professional, and continuously concerned.

Upon seeing the officer Kenan shrieks, "Oh!" He looks over at Kel, "Play it cool man! There's a cop over here, just don't say nothing." He whispers to Kel. Kel just smiles and nods.

The police officer gets closer to the dynamic duo; he looks at the two boys. He stops mid-stride and calls to them, "Hey you boys shouldn't walk in the street! You might get hit by a car."

Kenan laughs nervously, "Heh, heh sure thing officer!" as he grabs Kel's arm and guides him out of the street as well.

Kel bursts as an afterthought, "Yeah officer, we don't have any stolen cigars on us or nothing!"

The police officer crosses his arm; Kenan cringes and looks at Kel, giving him a frustrated shove. He questions aloud, "WHYYYYYYYY?"

"Where did you get that cigar box from?" the police officer inquires as he steps closer to Kenan and looks him in the eye.

"Uh….well….ya see….huh…huh…well…" Kenan stammers. Then with a quick thought, he recovers.

He points at the officer's chest. "Hey you got mustard on your shirt, officer!"

The police officer looks down at his shirt as he remembers out loud, "Hey, I didn't eat anything with mustard on it today!" Kenan's finger remains on his chest.

The officer's shoulder radio blares to life, "All units, all units, there was just a strong arm robbery down at the Bricky Mart. Suspects are two black males in their late teens or early twenties. One has mini-dreadlocks and one is wearing a "Bufu" shirt."

The police officer looks over at Kel just as Kel looks down at his shirt, notices the giant "Bufu" label, then quickly covers it up with his arms, letting out a yelp of "aahhh!" as he does so.

The officer returns his attention to Kenan before lowering it again to the invisible mustard stain. Kenan flicks the officer's nose with his finger, then reaches for the officer's handgun which is resting in a hip holster. Kenan and the officer begin to struggle for control of the weapon as the officer grunts into his shoulder radio, "This is unit 17B, code 96 on MLK Boulevard!"

Kenan keeps screeching, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" as he smacks the officer, gives him a purple nurple, a wet willy, shoves his fingers up his nose, pulls on his ears, and blows the whistle hanging off his uniform.

Meanwhile Kel is jumping up and down punching and kicking the air, fending off invisible foes, repeating nervously, "Ke-Kenan! Ke-Kenannnnn!"

A shot rings out as Kenan and the officer struggle for the Glock. Kenan howls, "Yikes!" disengages from the silly fisticuffs and runs toward Kel.

"Come on Kel, we gotta boogie!" He hurriedly, breathlessly says to Kel, stopping his invisible fistfight.

From behind Kenan comes a commanding bellow, "Freeze! You're under arrest!"

Kel flails like a marlin on a fishing line and lies on the ground in the classic arrest position.

Kenan squeezes his eyes shut and slowly turns around to the face the officer. He speaks to the prone Kel, "Watch this Kel! We're not caught yet, this always works!"

Kenan gets into the Sumo wrestler pose once again and stomps his feet. The officer doesn't budge. Kenan grins, "Okay wise guy! Here comes Kenan!"

Kenan charges forward from his Sumo pose. The officer pauses a second, then fires a string of shots at Kenan. Kenan collapses forward, quite dead.

Kel leaps up and screams, "Ke-Kenan, noooooooooo!"

The officer sinks to the ground and sits down, shaking and shell-shocked. Reporting into his shoulder radio in an exasperated voice, "Unit 17B, shots fired."

Kel kneels next to Kenan's corpse, lamenting "Man, he just bought a pair of tube socks…..and now…he'll never get a chance to wear them!"

Out of seemingly nowhere Kel hears a voice, "Psst, hey Kel over here!"

Kel turns around and sees ghost Kenan standing in front of him. Ghost Kenan looks just like alive Kenan only his whole image is one of pale, blue luminescence. He is also transparent.

Kel looks like he has seen a ghost, because he has. He gleefully shouts, "Kenan you're alive!" He tries to high-five him, but just falls through him and lands face first on the pavement.

When Kel stands back up, Kenan addresses him, "Man, I'm not alive dummy, I'm a ghost can't you see? I'm deader than Michael Jackson!" He points to his ghostly blue glowing self.

Kel looks sad again, but in a silly way, "Ahhh Kenan! You dead! I told you this was a bad idea!" He waves his arms dramatically at his deceased friend.

Kenan waits patiently for Kel to stop waving his arms like one of those inflatable balloon men you see in front of car dealerships before putting his hand on Kel's shoulder and conveying to him, "That's okay! I got a new idea! A better one! Here is what I need from you, grab some peas, some nuts, some peanuts, Dennis Rodman, a clown, and an inflatable dartboard and meet me at the top of the Gateway Arch! Come on, cupcake!" He slaps Kel on the back, then marches off.

Kel is too stunned to reply at first, then he calls after Kenan, pleading, "Ke-Kenan! I'm afraid of heights! Kenan! I want my mommy! And…and I'm allergic to peanuts! Kenannnnn! Awwww, shit! I mean….awwww, here it goes!" Kel relents, tossing his limp arms in the air yet again before waltzing after the ghostly Kenan, the instrumental version of rap "artist" Coolio's song, "Aww, here it goes" starts playing as Kel strolls off.

**Trivia:** References include, the Ferguson incident and continuing unrest, _Kenan &amp; Kel_, _Star Wars: Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike_, _The Simpsons_, and Fubu clothing.


End file.
